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Ginormous News: A Secret Blog Entry about Beyoncé

December 29, 2013

OMG!  I’ve been thinking about writing this blog post since I heard about Beyoncé’s no-longer-secret album two weeks ago.

Yet I’ve kept it secret, even from my wife, from Beyoncé and from Beyoncé’s producer, because apparently no one tells him anything anyway.

I’ve kept this blog post a secret for the same reason that Beyoncé kept her album a secret.  If I told anyone about it when I first thought about writing it, it wouldn’t be news today.  But since I’m telling you now, it’s big news.  After all, we’re talking about Beyoncé.

Maybe, like Beyoncé, I can get 1.2 million tweets within 12 hours of posting this.  Maybe I can break Bey’s new record of more than 5,300 tweets per minute.  On the other hand, I don’t have a social media and public relations team working non-stop to promote my blog.  But maybe I can get a few comments!

Dreaming of an All-Inclusive Christmas

December 21, 2013

Liberals should make up their minds about Santa Claus. First, they censor any public display of Christmas and even make us feel uncomfortable about wishing others a “Merry Christmas.” Then they want an affirmative-action black Santa or, worse still, a penguin Santa.

The penguin Santa was suggested by Slate columnist Aisha Harris, who was traumatized by growing up with both a white Santa and a black Santa. If Heather can adjust to having two mommies, you would think Aisha could adjust to having two Santas. But all of this exposure to western cultural icons clearly creates an emotional burden for non-white Slate columnists, especially when the fat, white guy is more widely accepted than the black guy in a clear case of disparate impact.

Beware of Fake News

December 6, 2013

What do you get when you combine an advertisement with a news story? Those in the industry would say, “An advertorial.” Those who have spent money on advertorials, though, would say, “Not much.”

The advertorial is the illegitimate child of advertising and journalism. It represents the worst of both worlds, as it lacks the credibility of journalism and the effectiveness of advertising. It’s as tacky as an infomercial and generally as worthy of attention as yesterday’s weather forecast.

Backward

October 20, 2013

Ironically, by focusing on defunding Obamacare, conservative Republicans helped the new entitlement by deflecting attention from the failed launch of the federal healthcare exchange that is Obamacare’s core program.

“Failed” is an understatement.  It was like a Fourth of July fireworks display on the Esplanade consisting of a single sparkler.  It was like fighting World War II with a slingshot.  It was like trying to end world hunger with a Happy Meal.  The Obama legacy is now, “Backward,” not “Forward.”  It’s “No, We Can’t,” not “Yes, We Can.”

The Buck Stops There

October 11, 2013

“America cannot be great if we go broke.”

National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform

Imagine a CEO who has been spending more money than his company takes in.  He has been operating without a budget for more than four years, because his budget proposals are so out of line, no one will support them.  His company will stop running if he fails to negotiate an agreement with his board of directors.  The CEO announces publicly that he will not negotiate.  He leaves the country and puts his CFO in charge of reaching a deal.  Except his CFO says he will not negotiate, either.  As a result, the company shuts down.

Whose fault is it?

In Obamaland, the fault never lies with the Commander in Chief, who seems to think his most important job is to blame others.  It’s a job he’s very good at.  While President Truman was famous for saying, “The buck stops here,” for President Obama, anything that happens is always someone else’s fault.

On the rare occasion that something good happens during his administration, though, he’s quick to take credit.  You may recall, for example, that he personally captured Osama Bin Laden.

How would you like to have a boss like that?

The World Is Upside Down - Part One

September 25, 2013

The earth isn’t cubed yet, like Bizarro World, but it increasingly seems to be upside down, inside out and moving backward instead of forward.

The fictional planet Htrae, aka Bizarro World, was invented by D.C. Comics as a comic spinoff from the typically stiff and serious world of Superman.  On Bizarro World, people would buy bonds to lose money and politicians would be put in charge because of their stupidity.  On Htrae, black is white and wrong is right.

Is Earth any different?  In today’s world, we have a President who “leads from behind.”  He snubs allies, but meets and negotiates with dictators, such as the president of Iran, who refuses to even shake his hand.

We have a United Nations that’s run by the thugs of the world.  The United Nations seems to exist to criticize the United States and Israel, even though America is its main source of funding and Israel is America’s ally.

The Difference Between Leaders and Politicians

September 18, 2013

Leaders lead.  And then there’s President Obama.

In his reaction to Syria’s use of chemical weapons, President Obama has demonstrated what the oxymoron “leading from behind” truly means.  It means not leading at all.

When France shows greater resolve and a tougher response than the United States in standing up to the world’s bullies, you know we’re in trouble.

President Obama is not a leader.  He is a politician.  There’s a big difference between the two …

Rolling Stone’s Dilemma: Who’s Next?

August 12, 2013

“We got all the friends that money can buy
So we never have to be alone
And we keep gettin' richer but we can't get our picture
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone.”

                                 Shel Silverstein

It was never about taste.

To survive, Rolling Stone needs to sell magazines.  And by featuring pretty boy terrorist Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on its cover, Rolling Stone sold magazines.  In fact, news stand sales were double what they usually are.

Trying to boost sales seems like such a capitalist thing – counter-countercultural – but Rolling Stone lost its countercultural cred many years ago.

True, running a flattering photo of a terrorist on the cover was in poor taste.  But this is a publication that has run Boy George on its cover.  It’s not about taste.

Follow My Lead (or Lede)

August 7, 2013

Use your three seconds wisely.

That’s about as much time as you have to capture a reader’s attention, so don’t waste it with meaningless fluff, clichés or meandering prose.  Make every word count.

The lead paragraph (or lede, as the old-school journalists would call it) of whatever you’re writing needs to convince readers immediately that it is worth their time to press on and continue reading.  A boring beginning will result in a quick end.

Baseball Needs More Performance Enhancement

July 24, 2013

What’s wrong with major league baseball?  It seems that practically every day there’s a new PED scandal.  PEDs are “performance-enhancing drugs,” for those who haven’t been paying attention.

But what’s the big deal?  Baseball is the most boring professional sport in existence (unless you consider golf a professional sport).  With 162 games a year and each game lasting about nine hours or so, baseball could use some entertainment enhancing drugs (EEDs).